My first post for the year.
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If I know the way home and am walking along it drunkenly, is it any less the right way because I am staggering from side to side?

- Leo Tolstoy
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If I took the time to pen down every story behind the times I thought these four words silently (or actually said it to another's face), I could write a book.

And it will be a best seller; I told you so.

I wish I could be right less often

but no.


One day. One day, I know I'll be wrong.
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Eli: *continuous clicks red button on Photobooth whilst laughing*
Me: *feigns shock* WHAT?! AGAIN?!?!
Eli+Naomi: *laughs even louder*

I'm free! Well, kinda. I can now ask people out for dinner dates, go for movies (ZOMG NEW MOON!!! *hyperventilates*) and let my brain breath - just for a while.

And then, the mad rush will come again. It's already approaching the driveway.

I'm crazy envious of people with kids. Karen Cheng's boys are adorable. They bring so much joy. :)
Which reminds me!

**Advertisement**
Peter is looking for a wife so that he can marry her and have kids, so that I can carry him/her! Any takers? :)

Edward Cullen, I once again fall happily into the intricate web of lies of your non-existent perfect love. I think I'd gotten over you already, but your reappearance forces me to reacquaint myself with these foolish feelings. I still hate that you're limited to the imperfections of Robert Pattinson though. :)

I'm on Team Edward!
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I hate this quote.

Is love really that simple? I don't think so. I don't want it to be so. Love is magical. It should be. Tell me I'm not the only one who thinks so.
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I met Gordon, the Roman Catholic guy who came to the Korea Worship Festival that was held in our MMC few months ago, at the bus stop near church.

I hesitated before going up to him and asking him if he remembered me and stuff. Found out that it's his birthday today. We chatted, got on the same bus. He talked about tennis and coaching little kids and stuff, linked it to religion and talked a little more.

I realised that I had no problems talking with him. He was an adult. Like, probably older than my parents kind of an adult. I always have problems talking with adults, I don't ever seem to get pass the fact that they are older; salt more than I eat rice thing. But today, I realised that I am capable of doing so!

Now, I must think; what was different.
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Feelings are fleeting.

Discuss.
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God seems to be adamant about making sure I make it sink deep in my head; that He's the one in control, the one to whom ALL credit is due, esp with worship leading.

I've been amazed/blown away/awestruck time and time again at how I can feel so utterly horrible about leading; everything crashes, there are major awkward silences, hand signals are blatantly ignored, and I really feel defeated - walk-off-stage-and-crawl-into-hole kind of defeated - AND YET I have people coming to tell me how God spoke to them through the songs, or how they've experienced healing during these worship, or how they were just so ministered to.

He's so gracious; has every right in the world to ignore us, judging by the quality of our worship, yet He doesn't.

I'm so grateful that DR has committed worshippers, who are all worship leaders in their own right, regardless of the instruments they play. We may be short handed, we may not have the best equipments, we may be so stretched week after week, may have suffered hard blows during the week, yet there's always that genuine heart of worship, ready to go. I appreciate you guys very very very much. :) Let's press on together and infect the rest of them alright!

I love Dunamis Rock very much. We might be going through some tough stuff, but I know God has great plans for us and He'll see us through this rocky patch. Spirit-filled Nights are His powerful reminders to me that He will. I think last Friday was pretty amazing. Incredibly humbling. It starts somewhere. I believe we can be change agents. We probably already are. :)

to all DRockers: if you've not been to our spirit-filled nights, you're missing out! Not even kidding.

Yay. God is good!
A child in awe of You:)
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There's danger in melancholy, in sadness. It's like quicksand. You want to get out, but then again, why not just stay here a little longer, too much effort is needed.

Sara Bareilles' Gravity has been on repeat. Something's wrong with this song. Set me free, leave me be; I don't want to fall another moment into your gravity. Truth is, she really wants to fall over and over again.

I think this song can be used to described sadness, or even depression. Who really wants to stop feeling sad when you're sad? There's something safe about sadness. It comes alongside you and takes your hand. Makes you comfortable in it, creates a warm cosy cushion of sadness around you.

I don't know how to deal with sad stuff. I sleep it off. I reduce it and downplay it to the very minimum, to the point that sometimes I wonder if there was reason at all for me to be sad in the first place, maybe I was just being melodramatic.

Am I feeling better? Yes definitely. But am I really feeling better about it? I don't know. It's been buried. I guess I'd only know if its dug up again. And I probably have to do it soon ish to settle it once and for all.

Maybe I'm really just tired. I've been hearing "Are you tired? You look really tired/horrible/zonked," so much it's not even funny any more. I have no choice, do I? Stop rubbing it in my face please.

Mehhhhhh. I'm no supergirl, no tireless worker. I hate many of the adjectives that people use to describe me. I'm strong, I'm independent, yes yes they probably have reasons to say that. At times that's nice and good. But there are always times I really just want to curl up and cry buckets. At times I really just need somebody. Though I'm not sure I know how to fulfill that need; need someone. My needs always remain needs till they disappear into the horizon. Which is why prior to discovering Gravity, I was hooked on Use Somebody - Pixie Lott's cover. But that is another story for another day.

So, please treat me with tender loving care. <3 I would appreciate that thank you very much!

*exhales*

*BIG GRIN*

K! Bring it on world. Janine always gets better, in time. She just hates the (self-imposed) expectation to get better better quickly.

Eeeees, we need to talk. I need to talk. Please force it out of me. You know I'd wriggle my way out of it if I could.

Lord, help. This is hard. I'm like, confused. :) Silly right? I know. Thank You for being so patient with me. ILY!

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I'm no different from you. I need love and protection too.



There are doors I feel like opening just to slam it shut again.

I held my heart out in my hands. This is what I get. Thanks.


Why does it always feel like people think I have no feelings. Do I seem that strong? Are my needs any less important than that of others? Is that fair?

I have feelings too. Today, I just want to be selfish and wallow in self pity.
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