It's time for me to update! Been trying to but for some reason I always type one halfway and end up saving it as a draft for another day.

Well, the Mike Guglielmucci fraud has been a hot topic online. So many blog posts about it with people commenting and debating and quarreling about whether or not he should be forgiven, digging up other scandals and a whole lot of other stuff. There's a lot of hurt, confusion and cynicism. But I guess that's no surprise.

For those who have no idea of what's going on, to sum it up briefly, Mike Guglielmucci (formerly a pastor, songwriter at Planetshakers City Church and then Hillsong Church) has been living a lie. He told everyone that he was suffering from an aggressive form of cancer and wrote the song 'Healer' after he got diagnosed (in 2006). Many were moved and inspired by his testimony and the song. Donations were made, many prayed and some even started facebook pages dedicated to praying for him. Not long ago, he admitted that the whole cancer thing was untrue. Apparrently, it was a coverup and he did it to hide his addiction to pornography. He is now seeking professional help.

Of course, no one knows for sure if the addiction to pornography is really the reason behind this whole facade. It could be just another lie to coverup bigger uglier secrets. How do we know whatever happens now is the truth? Were his family members really kept in the dark as well? Why didn't the leaders discern this? So many questions.

I don't know how you guys feel about this. I was disappointed, because I was inspired by his testimony, inspired by the song. And I felt for him, and I prayed for him. I was rooting for him to win the battle! It never occured to me that such a thing could happen. How could he do such a thing? And he was so convincing!

But fact is, he is human. We err. We make mistakes. We tell lies. We sin. That's human. Of course, that doesn't justify any wrong we do. It definitely doesn't take away the hurt and consequences of our sins. Furthermore, as a prominent figure, all the more responsibility he has to walk closely with God, live righteously and be an example to all. But it has happened, he can't take it back.

Though I'm disappointed, I feel for him. Imagine how much courage it took to finally come clean. He must have had so many sleepless nights, internal battles, and dealing with his addiction all at the same time. Just try and remember your biggest lie. How you had to tell another lie to cover the first. How you felt so guilty. The fear you had when you finally decided to tell the truth. Take that and times it by ten. No. By a hundred. Your lie affected you and maybe 2 or 3 others. Mike's affected thousands.

I'm not trying to discount the impact and the severity of his sin. He made a choice and he has to accept the consequences. But we need to be love now. He confessed. Whether he is really repentant or not, we'll never know would we. Only Mike and God knows. And it really doesn't matter to us, because we are not to judge. Have you not lied before? Yeah, but not like he did! But it's still a lie is it not?

We need to love him again. He is a fellow brother in Christ. How can we not forgive him? What, do we want him to feel bad about it for the rest of his life that he doesn't overcome this ever? Will we be happier if we know that he'll burn in hell? Punishments? Leave that to God!

Jesus is love. He loves us despite our flaws, despite our failures, despite us being selfish myopic humans who are so quick to judge others and never look at ourselves. Let's not just be KPO spectators. Let's start feeling what God feels, brokenhearted for a child who's gone astray. Let's start praying for our brother, for his wife and kids, for all others out there who are hurting and stumbling because of this incident.

I was reminded of this verse - Genesis 50:20 You intended to harm me, but God intended it for good to accomplish what is now being done, the saving of many lives.

We don't know what God's purpose is, but trust that even in such situations, He has a purpose and He is in control. You never know how this incident has spoken to people. We may not see the good but God does. He knows way better than us.

Thank You Lord for Your Love, Grace and Mercy.

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When I am down and, oh my soul, so weary;
When troubles come and my heart burdened be;
Then, I am still and wait here in the silence,
Until you come and sit awhile with me.

You raise me up, so I can stand on mountains;
You raise me up, to walk on stormy seas;
I am strong, when I am on your shoulders;
You raise me up... To more than I can be.

There is no life - no life without its hunger;
Each restless heart beats so imperfectly;
But when you come and I am filled with wonder,
Sometimes, I think I glimpse eternity.

You raise me up, so I can stand on mountains;
You raise me up, to walk on stormy seas;
I am strong, when I am on your shoulders;
You raise me up... To more than I can be.
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Yesterday, I experienced the kindness of a stranger.

The skies were dark, like really dark at only 5.30. Thank God I made my way across the road before the huge droplets started pelting down. Not that I didn't get wet at all, but I could have been completely drenched. Long story short, I alighted at my stop, had quite a distance to walk (without shelter) before reaching the MRT station, it was still POURING. So I.. waited. Didn't really know for what, but I didn't want to get wet! Plus I was carrying my lak sek bag - it could stain my clothes if I was not careful! People walked pass so quickly one by one. All not caring about where their umbrellas' droplets dripped. Being irritating Singaporeans that everyone complains about. The bus stop's shelter was cracked and I had to choose between (dirty) water dripping on my shoulder and gusts of droplets-laden wind. My sandals were disgusting and I felt sand under my feet. I was feeling really frustrated. God, please help me! I don't want to get any wetter. Then this guy, I'm guessing a Bangladeshi construction worker, looked at me and asked if I wanted to get to the MRT. He was already opening his umbrella and stepping out of the shelter, so I had to think fast and I jumped at his kind offer. I don't know, some people might freak out, but I was really so grateful for him. It saddens me that it took a foreigner, someone not as well off, to show an act of kindness. His umbrella wasn't big at all, in fact when the wind blew the umbrella turned inside out. I still got a little wet. I was still uncomfortable. But I was so happy inside. I made sure I smiled my bigggest smile at him, and thanked him profusely.

I wished I ceased the opportunity to talk with him a bit more and really let him know how much his action has blessed me.

We should really accept all these foreign workers slogging their guts out everyday just to make a living and for their family. They are no less human than us. They have feelings too. It pains me to read about Singaporeans, so against them, complaining about them hanging out at void decks, having fun. Sure sometimes some of them do get a little out of hand and make a din, but not everyone of them do that. Walk a mile in their shoes. Alone in another country away from your family. Working so hard everyday for your life. People treat you like you're diseased, blame you for everything, suspect you when something is missing. It's not very nice at all.

And parents should totally teach their children to respect their maids.

If there's one thing God is teaching me, it is to love. Love without judgement. Everyone's a 10, regardless of age, gender, dressing, race, background, language, pattern. Like how Jesus loves us. Which incidentally is what I mean by 'strippedtolove'. I want to be stripped of everything that's stopping me from loving, really loving others. Everyone.

It is hard. Really hard. But I'm trying.

Lord help me. I've never felt more alone, but I know that You are with me. You are the only one I can rely on completely because You never fail. Never have, never will. Guide me Lord, open my eyes. Help me see what You see. Show me the right way. Help me know what to do, what You want me to do. The future may seem bleak, times may be trying, we may be in the desert, but You are still God. Help me find joy in You even when my heart is filled with sorrow. That I will sing praises to you all the days of my life, regardless of circumstances. Lord, I'm clinging to You and You alone.
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