A Midsummer Night's Dream.

I had the honour of suddenly getting an SMS from Christine to watch this free! Of course, I agreed without having to think very long. I had to make up for missing Phantom. Had 2 hours to waste before meeting Christine and her friends with the sister. The play was presented in a very very different manner. There wasn't really a stage stage. It was in Fort Canning Green, the same place where Sonicfest was held. And the huge field was the whole stage. They had like little patches of grass in between 'runways' where the actors were acting. So we had to turn our heads around and look out for action the whole time. Was really fun though. We had a mini picnic there. Never read this play before so was pretty hooked on every word said. Quite silly, but realised how crude the arts scene can be.

But I love the old classic english. The word play involved. How the moon, stars and sun are used to illustrate love, how they compare feelings, objects, actions with anything and everything. THANKS SO MUCH CHRISTINE. =D I'm so blessed. Even though it's not Phantom, I still enjoyed it. ALOT ALOT.

How time flies so. The midsems are almost here already. Only a sociology paper though. It'll be all over before I know it. Study study study JANINE.

Times like this, words don't flow no more. Can't put a finger on how I'm feeling. The feeling is irritating like crap.
Therefore, JANINE shall leave you.
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With every high comes a low.
The higher you go, the stronger the blow
Instant gratification
Living in the moment
Taking the most of it
Only leaves you more broken and open once you come back down to earth

Every smile is welcomed and loved
But a tear
awkward. hidden. never let known


I lovelovelove laaaaa and zoehoeyducky. My number one girls.

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I'm sick! Really bad, cos I'm aching every where. But I survived a day out with JARLZ. Happy belated Ronald! =D You better comment me and say thank you. I go out despite my sufferings so that your birthday would be extra special la. Hahahaha

Anyway! I had a real fun time hanging out with the people again. Only thing was Larissa Ho Jia Le had to leave us early. =( Other than that, today was a lovely day with my lovely friends. I love how we can just sit and talk for hours if we don't a curfew or somewhere to rush to. Reminiscing the good ole days and complaining about horrendous guys in our lives. I love you Zoe Ho Xiu Jin, much more than Lester could ever love you so stop thinking of him okay. Kick him outta your mind sweetheart. You so deserve someone better. 1000x better. Someone like me. =D

We watched the Bridge to Terabithia today. Liked it. All about imagination. Felt they could have done better if they showed the Terabithians earlier in the movie though. Quite wasted that they created this cool looking creatures (One's upper body was a bird cage!) and they were only on screen for a few minutes just clapping and cheering the new Princess on. Took me by surprise when Leslie died halfway. Shocking really. Joel and Abriel were talking about how they can't imagine losing a friend at such a young age and all during the movie. Doesn't really occur to us that everyday could be the last for anyone. And we don't live like that, do we? Even though so many times people tell us to live every day like its your last. I'm expecting tomorrow to come and go, and the day after that and the day after that. If we lived everyday like the last. I'd SMS everybody I know every night before I sleep. To let them all know i love them very much.

Don't you wonder what happens if you die? What would people be saying about you at your funeral? Okay I digressed.

School's been real tiring. PSA proposal done. Thank God. Next killer is BMR's lit review. 15 sources for goodness sake. I see late nights coming up. My complexion's suffering ALOT la. No sleep = more pimples. First time in my life got so many at once okay. Stuup things.

Okay. Not working tomorrow! Gonna go study. =D Socio and BMR. I'm determined to get at least a 3.5 by the end of this sem. I cannot slack anymore! Must make up for last semester's pathetic grades. Janine you can do it! Yes yes yes. Catch up with Cailin and Asher. =D


Thank God I'm not stuck on you.
Thank God I know what I'm supposed to do.
And you're definitely not part of it.
So long dude, you're so yesterday. =)
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Now I see, so clearly. And I am so glad that it was all talk and not action. I'm glad I didn't get in too deep. I'm glad that he was fickle enough to show me that he is not worth it. Had a long chat with Auntie Anna today, and she really helped pull me back and get me into the right frame of mind, the right perspective. Looking back now, of course I'm thinking, stupid girl! What were you thinking? Actually considering giving up your standards for something so temporary? Something that would have lasted maybe a week or two?

But then again, I've learnt. I'm aware now that the devil makes use of this desire for love, especially in girls, to try trip and lead astray. Its so clear, just that I've been making excuses for myself. My QT suffered much, everything was going bad. My life revolved around spending time with someone who was just making use of me. Unknowingly.

Yes sure, I'm mad at him. I'm hurt, I'm offended. Cos my hope for a decent guy just went down the drain again. But well, I'm not blaming him per se. Guys just have this tendency of living in the moment and saying things that they don't mean, don't know they will not mean later. It's alrite! This just rules out the possibility of me being romantically involved in anything for the next year or two. Allows me to focus on studying and pushing my GPA up up up, and serving the Lord with my all.

Janine is a happy girl now. Sure I'm still hurt. I'm still harbouring a lil hope. But I'm smart enough to bear with it for now and be a happier girl later. I know he still does not know what he wants. And I pity him. Poor thing.

I still feel so stupid though. 3 EXes should have been a give-away that he ain't reliable. Nevermind Janine, I forgive you for being silly. Now pick yourself up and be a smarter girl. =D

I love Zoe so much. She's such a sweetie.

KILL ME NOW:
but his stuck on his ex

ur beautifulness is all written in your soul:
O THAT IS SHIT LA
dun let him choose between u and his ex u noe
pls lorh given ur qualities
u wan wind got wind u wan rain got rain u noe

KILL ME NOW:
haha yeah im so over him alr.

ur beautifulness is all written in your soul:
no need to stand ther let him choose
o god. jerks

KILL ME NOW:
haha
zoe
you so brighten up my day

ur beautifulness is all written in your soul:
>.-*winks* always know ur soul is worthy of the best guy ok.

The churchies always make me smile. ALWAYS. I don't know what I would do without them. Every week would kill more than it does already.
Thank you so much! =D Though its just 2 of the many reading this. For now.
I love each and everyone of you more than I can say. Can't guarantee I'll make you smile the way you make me smile. But I'll try. =)

Love is more than the butterflies. I don't want the butterflies anymore.
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Tell me again, why do I try? Pleasing you, pleasing her, pleasing him. I wonder what I have to do to show you that I am a freaking obedient daughter. I wanna pack my bags and leave. Get away from this jail, break free from these chains. Thats exactly how I feel with you. You just need somebody to boss around. Someone to help you lead a second life, accomplish things you never got to do, yet still do things your way, according to your liking.

Your mood swings. My mood swings with yours. I'm like still attached to you. The invisible umbilical cord that connects emotions and thoughts. Goodness.

Maybe having a real emo nick on MSN wasn't a bad thing after all. Had a few real good chats with people I seldom chat online with. First it was Kenneth, the nice squirrel, who lent me a listening ear. Cracked me up a couple of times too.

Ken:
hahaha
go find a rich bf lar
so much easier
then dun need work summore
i wan money oso actually
juz no time 2 work

KILL ME NOW:
haha!

Ken:
so im findin my rich chio young blind dying gf
yep.
haha at least its easier 4 u lol

KILL ME NOW:
then if she happens to have a brother tell me

Ken
juz need rich
i haf 2 many conditions

Haha. And Abriel too! Was really surprised when he came and chat with me. I didn't even know he was him. And I think this is the first time we chat properly, as real friends, not just friends who are friends cos of other friends.

need sleep:
ohh janine you're quite nice to talk to.
hahahaha.
you know although we hang out quite alot i find i don;t really know you.

KILL ME NOW:
same! haha
its like onli cos of the rest tt we get to hang out kinda thing
right right?

need sleep.
haha yarr yarr!
REWIND
hi i'm abriel, whats your name?

We talked about boys, love and Candice! He was stressed over fresh ideas of places to take her to on Sundays. He's really quite a rare gem. See:

need sleep said:
oh and getting gf's presents isn;t all about brownie points.
i really like to see her smile and laugh.
hahaha.
really really

KILL ME NOW said:
really meh

need sleep said:
really really really

Cos he went to surprise her with a remedy for her throat, but sadly he didn't manage to do it. Cos candice went to school. Anyway, I was telling him it would've scored him good points if he did manage to execute it. And that was his response. So sweet right. Candice is a lucky girl.

When will I find a guy who'd say that about me. Someone who'd not try so hard to impress me, but just wanna genuinely see me happy. I'm not asking for alot am I?

Janine, Janine. Wait long long.
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More and more i feel the gap. You make me smile, yet you're the cause of the pain. I turn to you, yet its never the same.

Isn't it funny how we always convince ourselves when we want things our way? The truth is so obvious, yet we manipulate and make it suit us. Like putting on blindfolds in a brightly lit room.

I'm always the one hurting, always the one taking it all in and keeping them inside. I try to let go and let be, and end up plastering a smile on my face. And it feels bad. Very bad.
Can you stop me from hurting? Can you stop adding to my pain? Can you put a smile smile on my face again?

This sucks. Big time.
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I'm really wondering if I should let this blog be known. I shouldn't have let people know that I'm opening a new blog. Should've just close that blog and shut up. Now I have to go through the turmoil of contemplating to give or not to give.

School's been a chore. I no longer look forward to it at all. AT ALL. Everyday's back to the looking forward to holidays and the weekends. Assignments have already started coming and deadlines are here and there. Even though I want to do well, want to excel, I'm not getting the motivation to work any inch of my brain. My GPA dropped to 3.03 last semester, I cannot afford any slacking if I want to do well. Cailin and Asher are such smart, hardworking people. Tsk. Janine, what are you doing? What are you waiting for?

You are in my every thought.

Just found out not long ago about Jonny and Sarah. They look so sweet together. Blogsurfing showed me that Sarah is going through internal conflicts too. the head and the heart. Knowing yet feeling otherwise.

I'm at an ultimate low. Have to confess, my quiet times with God has been pushed aside by stupid excuses time and time again recently. Lukewarm. This is bad. I know, yet I still carry on. Discipline. I lack.

Best friends, still my best friends. Yet I find it hard to share with them nowadays. Whenever we meet up, there is so much to catch up on, that heart-to-hearts are things of the past.

Oh, I miss you so. Why does it have to be you? I haven't felt this way to anyone so strongly for a year now. The complications of being involved with someone romantically, even if it is only indirectly. I wonder so much, wish for so much, want so much. You. You could've been just another guy. Why didn't you keep it at that. Why did you have to move me.

I want you to want me
I need you to need me

Lord, forgive me.
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words don't do me any good now, for now. Emotions aplenty yet i can't pen them down. This feeling I don't like at all. I miss you. I miss you so.

And then just a simple IM brightens my night. Amazing. I realise how close I am to sounding like a lovesick teen so I shall stop here. Sentosa was great. A time to let loose and be me. Janine for real.

If only it lasted for more than a moment.
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