To suppress a loud scream that desperate wants to escape from your lungs
or
To scream at the top of your lungs, yet never producing a sound? |
10/29/2008 11:22:00 pm
tick tock
God's perfect timing is coolness. I'm really glad I got the chance to attend the GLS this year. Didn't realise how big a thing it was and how blessed I was to attend it until Asher commented that it's very expensive.
THANK YOU BIG DADDY!
Seal it in. deeeeeep within. |
10/25/2008 12:12:00 am
Philippians 4:6-7
Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.
This verse just jumped in my brain when I needed it most this morning. Don't know what got into me and I remembered lessons started at 10 instead of 9. So happily I woke up and prepared myself for the day, just so I could reach a little earlier than 10 and get started right! The moment I stepped into the bus I felt something was wrong and checked my timetable. Got the shock of my life okay. And it was already 8.50 :/
Alighted and tried to hop on a cab. Unfortunately, I have zero skills in getting cabs and I don't know where I should wait for them. At the bus stop? Before a traffic light? Big road or small road? And it was drizzling. :c I felt like crying then and there. I'd be marked absent too!
And then the verse came and I started to 'pray and petition'. Thank God for Joram who saved me with money for the cab fare. And for His favour!! I was given a chance and was NOT marked absent. THANK GOD!!! :)
Now, some food for thought. Francis Chan asked this in one of his sermons and I think its real powerful.
When we go to heaven and see what a beautiful place it is, will we notice it if God is not there?
Will you? |
10/23/2008 09:48:00 pm
You know, sometimes when you cry and the tears get caught in your eyelashes and a ray of light just shines straight through that one teardrop, and it glistens. Like you have jewels encrusted eyelashes. :)
You are beautiful, just the way you are. |
10/21/2008 09:56:00 pm
Me day
I've been waiting for this day for the longest time ever. Never got to go through with my plan until now. Donned my shades on my way out and felt cool. Not the look-at-me cool, but the invisible-cool. I decided that today, I shall be lost in the crowds. I shall enjoy my time alone and watch a movie alone without caring about what the box office people think. I've wanted to watch a movie alone since Pastor Heidi recommended it to us but never dared to cos... it's uncool to buy just one ticket. But I finally did. And it was my first M18/Cinema Europa movie. Princess of Nebraska. I bought a konos super combo for myself and for the first time decided to mix salted and sweet. Don't know why but I felt like eating a little sweet stuff and requested more salted than sweet. But I regretted after a while because the sweet was not satisfying. Tried the Beef Pepperoni Kronos Pizza. Is that what it's called? I can't remember. The movie wasn't very good. Wishy washy storyline, weird mandarin-english alternation (is that the word for it?), and the lead actress was not pretty.
Walked around the rooftop and soaked up the sun before it got too hot and I started sweating. Went to the 2nd level children's playground and stood there for a good half an hour, watching the children play. This one 2yo (im guessing) boy walked towards the playground, looked around and shrieked with pure delight. It felt so good to just stand still and watch the kids play. The best thing was that no one noticed I was there.
Wondered whether I should watch a second movie or read. Weather conditions and realising that I still had movie money from last Christmas led to Nights In Rodanthe. Different experience because now there were more people in the cinema. Not that I felt intimidated. The inn by the beach was beautiful. Made me wanna go for a holiday. I loved the charm curtain thing. People were weeping during the movie, and I felt ashamed for them. Can you get any lamer? I realised I felt very comfortable watching the movie alone. No one sitting beside me to bother about. And I thought, I'd only go into a relationship if I were completely comfortable with the person. If not, I might as well be alone and comfortable right?
I went into pageone just to spend more time alone. Browsed through some books, wanted to buy a book for myself. Kite Runner? For One More Day? Cecelia Ahern? The Memory Keeper's Daughter? I decided to get The Shack instead. Walked around pageone some more and realised that it is way bigger than it looks from the outside. Went to literature section, and wondered what made a book fiction or 'literature'. Considered getting The Alchemist but decided that it was too popular a book for me to buy. Saw Haruki Murakami's books and I can't remember where I'd heard about this author before. Read the first chapter and I was captivated. The whole chapter was about an elevator and it was interesting. If she could do that the book must be good. So I contemplated. I realised that 'she' (haruki sounds like a she) was actually a he. No author has caught my attention like that since Neil Gaiman. Not that I like Neil Gaiman because as well as he writes, he's vulgar. Not in the language, but the things he writes about and the way he does it. Haruki Murakami could be just as vulgar. I don't know, but I sure didn't want to spend my money on a book that I didn't know I could enjoy without being corrupted. So very sadly I put down the book and walked away. I decided then that my dream home would have wooden flooring or parquet as they call it. Like pageone! I love the creaks the wood make in certain areas and getting to know my floor becomes an activity altogther. Finding and knowing the spots that creak, knowing where to tiptop over when its late at night and I don't want to wake anyone up. Tiles? How can you know tiles, especially homogenous tiles. Tiles are cold.
After a long time in pageone, I walked out and headed home. There was something therapeutic about my journey back to hougang. I just thought and was engulfed by my thoughts. I kept my eyes shut in the train, though I was not asleep, and felt so far away from the other commuters. It felt good. I decided to buy plastic to wrap my new book and all my other new books. I never liked wrapping books because I could never get it right and I'd get upset and angry at myself over it. But I decided that I would be a mother who wraps her children's books. If I'm gonna be a mother. So I need practice. Bought magic tape too because it felt magical.
I realise that memories can be forgotten or put aside eventually. Of course they can. The same route, no longer the same memories. Don't get me wrong, I am happy. Very happy that the past no longer mocks me.
I spent quite a bit today, yet I don't feel the pinch. It's money well spent. And I won't be spending much in school anyway.
I loved spending the day alone. I feel so at ease and am now ready to take on the last semester.
Thank You for letting my enjoy this day :) |
10/20/2008 11:09:00 pm
Glorified
Lord I Come, Into Your Holy Place Stand In Awe Of Your Cleansing Grace Who Am I, That You Would Care For Me? I Glorify The One Who Died For Me
Glorified, Glorified. Let Your Name Be Lifted Up And Glorified Let The Earth Tremble At Your Name Let Your Name Be Lifted Up And Glorified
Into Your Hands, I Commit My Life Day By Day, As A Living Sacrifice Who Am I, That You Would Care For Me? I Glorify The One Who Died For Me
In joy, laughter, friendships, love, victories, in pain, brokenness, suffering, sickness, emptiness, setbacks, failures, tough times. Be Glorified. In our lives Lord, Be Glorified. |
10/17/2008 06:14:00 pm
Dance
It's amazing how dance can be so deep and expressive and emotional. I've always loved lyrical and contemporary because it just brings out so much emotions and its intricate and smooth and so beautiful.
Just watch this contemporary routine by Mia Michaels
Or this lyrical one by Wade Robson
Is that not amazing? It brought tears to my eyes!
And I just found out that hip hop can do exactly the same. Slow hip hop to be more specific, and Napoleon and Tabitha are amazing choreographers! I've always thought hip hop as strong and just all hype. But they have brought out this softer side of hip hop. I'm just blown away.
Check this out! Hip hop routine by Napoleon and Tabitha.
Deep yo. I hate channel 5 for taking away my SYTYCD on Mondays. And for being so slow. But then again, everything's up on youtube.
Oh and I like this lyrical routine by a local choreographer Ryan from O School
If only we were free to pursue whatever peripheral interests we had. |
10/16/2008 12:58:00 am
noooo
This is so scary. Before school's started I'm already feeling the pressure. Everyone's so quick and already looking for their groups and everything. :( this is scary. And it is the last sem. I don't know why that is like the (cue dramatic sound effects) whoah phrase that everyone's using. But at least 4 people have said that to me.
Hmm. Maybe because the last sem is important Janine!
But still.
BLEAGUHHHHHH
I'm feeling so not up for the big battle. Everyone's already got their armours and weapons and everything. :(
I'm sad that there's no Asher or Cailin around this sem. I've never had to work without them in group projects before I don't think. And we work well together. At least I've gotten used to how we do things.
This is bad. Noooooooo Janine. You cannot do this. You will start the sem off smiling. And end it smiling.
YOU MUST!!!
I'm freaking out! :(:(:( |
10/11/2008 10:25:00 pm
my down under crush
teeeheeee I found terence maguire on facebook! But I'm not gonna add him la. He's just a big time crush I had in aussie - he was like the school captain, he was smart and athletic and everything. <3 LOL. But they always rumoured him with katie murphy. I was so obsessed with him that i even had like a tiny cut out of his face stuck on this red glittery paper that claire gillespie gave to me cos she used to date his younger brother. I think I still have it around somewhere.. hmm..
Okay, he doesn't look that good on the picture. But he had that smile with dimples that just melted every girl okay. He's like the big brother in school. And he helped me with math once!!!
I don't think he looks good anymore. I mean like now. Ohwell. haha
Oh st tommy mores. I miss that place. |
10/07/2008 05:22:00 pm
:(
I'm so tired, Big Daddy.
But I thank You for that thing called hope. |
10/02/2008 07:04:00 pm
I rhyme I rhyme I rhyme for relieve
to rock, to rock, to rock the boat you have to know you'll stay afloat and yet and yet still as you stay you'll go you'll flow quite far away no telling where the winds will bring hold on to your boat, cling tightly cling
and then and then when you find your way who's to say that you're not astray? is it written in the stars or can you tell from where you are the people the people, pray they tell! just how far you are from well
but still but still whom shall i seek for the people the people are just as weak they bend they break, don't hesitate they might just kill you as you wait so run so run far as you can for time for time waits for no man
alone alone you may find peace or better still your face might crease and from your eyes a tear might roll your body screaming this world is cold and melt and melt into the ground you'll wish you never will be found
somehow somehow as minutes by the pain so deep away they fly you thought you thought you'd never live to see the sun or smell the breeze just what or who came in at night and mend your heart and brought in the light
you find you find some sort of strength to live, breath and love at all lengths but still you better keep in mind love you give ain't love you'll find for man for man they'll only care if you if you have goodies to share
to love to love to love or hate there's only a line that separates the good from bad the happy or sad a rat a rat a rat or a cat this line this line may never see the light of day, the birds the bees
for many oh many have vandalised thee they spat they tore they lavished their pee some picked up colours and started to spray turning big bold black into something like gray oh people dear people they have lost their sight dancing across the lines, around, all through the night
and now and now you're wondering why this poem this poem has caught your eye if i if i if i might try i'd say i'd say we're living lies don't freak or retreat i mean no harm for i'm just exploring the world and its charms
how easy how easy it is to say one thing then turn and be dismayed so please oh please won't you hear my plea live real love real no more trickery for i, for i am just like you we're broken we're shattered but still oh so cool
my soul my soul my soul's at ease in rhymes in rhymes in rhymes like these |
10/02/2008 03:57:00 pm
honeyhoney!
Yes another update! Cos I don't wanna spend my holidays in front of the computer, I shall do all my updates in one go. And never touch the computer again. No that's not possible. I've to write a report before school starts :(
Another birthday update! Ernsiewernsie's birthday was on Tuesday and we went out yesterday. Special guests: Valerie and Sandy! But he already found out they were coming so boo. Sandy got lost! Haha. She ended up at Pammie's house and had to cross over to take the bus back, but ended missing the stop again. Started off at Tinee's house for some snacks and movie, but the movie turned out to be boring, so I taught them how to play bridge instead! I think only the birthday boy got the game, but oh well! :)
Tinee couldn't come so we brought the adventure to her! :) Anyway that's his first present. A giraffe spoon. lol.
Actually, I had like a long list of places to go, but they weren't very good places. I thought of going to some nature reserves or to the new nature walk bridges and all but they weren't very feasible due to time contraints. And so the only thing left was food. But we ended going to only 2 places. :( And the pizza store was not open!!! So much for planning.
We ended up at Sakae Teppanyaki for dinner.
It was cool cos I tried foie gras for the first time and it is heavenly! I was kind of apprenhensive at first cos it is liver and I hate liver. But it is so good! Haha. Thanks ernest!
We went down to the arcade at Bugis in search of any para para machine, but to no avail = happy birthday boy. Played some random games. Val and I kicked butts on the bball machine. The Es were lousy.
Headed to Pasir Ris. Some story was invented and birthday boy was almost duped! ALMOST! But he smelt a rat. :( Jeslin appeared to our rescue! B&Js ice cream and brownie even though it was already closed. Thanks babe! She walked around the mall holding the ice cream cos she didn't know where to go and the store was closing already. Hehe props for the effort!
Birthday Boy!
I wrote my very first name poem a few days back! Got inspired/disgusted by the poems I wrote a long long time ago. They were mostly amateurish crap filled with angst and anger and infatuation. I ripped them out and threw em all away. Would've burned them up but I don't think anyone would raid the bins and find them. Can't believe that was me! Gag. So to save the poet in me, I wrote a rather acceptable one for a birthday gift. Not very good still, but I like it. :)
Eighteen, eighteen. You've turned eighteen Rhythmic, yet sporadic; life pulsates within Never a dull moment only if you deem Euphoric and edgy; ebbing and flowin' Secure in Him your life and dreams Together we'll walk on and live eternally
Eighteen, eighteen. You've turned eighteen.
Okay not that great I know. Haha. I'm no sylvia plath.
Anyhoo people, thats an updaate. Oh! I watched MAMAMIA! And I like it. quite. haha. the songs are ringing in my head. :) hence the title for this post
I failed my FTT though! :( have to retake. what a chore!
This chalet has to be the most boring one I've been to. It was fun at times but the boring times were longer than the fun times. :/ meehhhh. simply cos everyone has school or exams or something so they couldn't stay over. Thanks Ronald for coming early so that I could be bored together with someone and not alone. And THANKS ZOEEE! For coming all the way down to send me that lovely cake. It's yummy. My sister loves it - which is rare. She doesn't even want to try my cookies and muffins and stuff, but she's eating a bit of your cake everyday.
I killed time by watching Take The Lead on my laptop for the very first time. Nice movie, but not as good as I expected. Everyone was telling me how good it was when it first came out, so i had high expectations.
Fastforward to the later half of the day when the crowds started coming in. Prayer, food, chatter. And then SARDINE! The opposite of hide and seek cos only one person hides and everyone else seeks. Clement's hiding was the best. We ran past him a few times and didn't even notice he was there. But he wasn't a very good seeker. hahahaha. NCC doesn't teach them how to find people, just how to hide well.
And then I played frisbee for the first time and I can catch one now, thanks to la's wonderful coaching. Cake cutting, photo taking, farewell bidding.
Ron la and clement stayed behind after everyone left to help with cleaning up (the part which I totally hate but thanks so much guys). And then we went crazy, due to tiredness our brains didn't really think straight anymore - at least that was true for us girls. Played bridge and a snap/namecalling game. haha. And I talked to Erikaaaa~ who is Ronald's girlfriend. And HA! she so does not think I'm scary.
Okay. I shall leave you with the photos. Warning: I'm the most unglam birthday girl ever. People dress up and do their hairs for their birthday parties, I wear shorts and clip up my hair in a messy auntie do. But hey who cares! :)
Family
The 2 helpful angels I didn't have to entertain much. Both received compliments from the aunties. Wooots! Thanks dears :]
Yikes. I'm... one of them??!?!? hahaha. Thanks to all the aunties! A.Rosalind for her shepherds pie, A.Lilian for her curry chicken and A.Pohchoo for her pizza bread and chinchow :] Not forgetting A.Vivian for driving me crazy. lollll
The peopleee who made my day. Thanks everyone!
Okay, I know not a lot of pictures. But blogger ain't got the best system for uploading photos ya know. I've to drag them down one by one which is such a hassle. I could use photobucket, but that would mean uploading, resizing and copy and pasting, which doesn't make a whole lot of difference. So head over to facebook for the photos! :)
Keep those donations coming okay, there is no deadline! You can still donate though my birthday is over.
Thanks Grace for dinner on Thursday and the necklace. She stubbornly does not believe in not giving presents. :( But thanks dear. I enjoyed the mushrooms! We went to Outback Steak House for dinner and it was FILLING :/
Thanks for the bible laa! I know you bought it long before I blogged bout the donations so its fine :)
I received a Guess wallet from my supervisor who does not know about my blog and so didn't know about charity:water. It's the most girlie princessy thing I've received - its pink and gold! Haha. I would never ever buy such a thing for myself in a million years and God knows. So He got someone else to get it for me. whahaha. No more lousy lime pouch, which is falling apart. I could use this for a good 5 years. Yay! Was gonna say 10 years, but I think thats a bit too much. I'll be 29! :/
Okay, enough about my birthday already. I don't feel older :/ And I don't want to feel old so that is good :)
Boring aye? I never wanna throw a party again. So troublesome :/ Let's stick to dinners and adventures! |
about.
ng jinning JANINE
270989
nebular nineteen!
God's girl! :)
