Why does a disability change our attitude towards individuals? I suddenly was very aware of this the other day. This nerdy guy was carrying his huge bag on his shoulder, sitting and nodding asleep on the bus. And he was sitting at the very first seat, the one facing the rest of the passengers on the bus, which is clearly not a good seat to sit at cos it just places the seatee under the microscopic scrutiny of every other commuter. Anyway, I didn't pay much attention to the guy, thought 'why can't he put down his bag?', carried on with my book. Until he was readjusting his position to prepare to alight. I felt a stab inside. Janine, you're such a bad person. His hands were contorted, so was the rest of his joints i guess. I think it's probably those bone/joint thing, and it made him walk with a very obvious limp. Also slowed him down a lot. Which somehow caused the blind-or-ignorant bus driver to close the doors on this guy before he reached the door. The guy gan-jionged abit, quickly pressed the bell again. I felt SO BAD for him I wanted to cry. Everyone was staring. He probably has to deal with this real often, what about school? How does his relatives treat him? Does he have friends like we do? Or does everyone shun him or treat him with formality in fear of saying anything wrong that would hurt him?

Same thing with this guy in TP who has it even worse for him. He perpetually lives on his crutches and dad's support. Everywhere he goes, his dad goes. Yes, classes, lecture halls, toilets and so on. Can you imagine? The thing is, you know in school, when we see fellow school/coursemates, we'll be indifferent to them. Of course la, they're so many people walking around school. But when this guy and his dad comes around, you can just tell everyone's trying to send compassionate vibes. (Your's truly included) Just makes me wonder, why does it take a disability to bring out that inner kind soul inside us? And is it really the right thing to do? I mean for us to 'pity' people less abled. Do we make them feel like they're just like us? Or do we go straight and be frank and show our awkwardness, our curiousity and our pity. Okay, I don't know what the point of this post is, but I feel realy bad for people everytime I see them 'suffering'. I remember seeing an adult rollerblading along the walkway this one time, and he fell. I wanted to cry for him. I was only how old then la. I don't like this feeling. Really. I'll imagine their pain, the awkwardness, embarassment they must be going through and I feel it for them, with them. Is that weird or what? Or am I not the only one?

Janine, you're either very silly, or very weird.

The stayover was good fun. SNAP, belly welly; tinee winee; vinnie winnie, MR and MRS Smith (quite senseless), the company. LOVED it. Maybe it's just because I had time away from the pains of staying at home.

Seems like the only thing holding it together is a piece of paper.
It tears me up knowing the could be.

It scared me today.
I could cry.


Rollerblading tomorrow. Looking very forward to it.
Janine realises she loves to hide in the comfort of ignorance. It's a safe place.
I can no longer feel good alone. These thoughts come clouding my mind. I need a constant distraction.
Or maybe it's just me in front of my lappie.

Hai. Janine. Plastered.
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