Have you ever had a really good catch come your way but due to certain reasons you had to let it go? Doesn't it just comes back and eat at you again and again? It's called counterfactual thinking, known more commonly as the 'if only's.

Gary Chua viewed me on Friendster. His Dawne posted a picture of them, Gary in his uniform looking all smart and cute. And I'm just sure that even if I'd said yes a year and a few months ago, things wouldn't have been the way it is with them. (but he's still one of the very few guys I'll always think fondly of, though I often claim otherwise)

And then there's this other guy. He blew my mind when he wasn't supposed to. It was the most inapt time for me to be blown away but he really was a great guy. Sensitive, caring and everything, but at that time, all that I look back and miss now, those were the things that irritated me because it wasn't appropriate and created trouble for me. I was his number one. And it was nice knowing that because he was the only guy who I knew sincerely meant it when he said I was the only one. Of course, I was skeptical and told him so. A few months later he came back as a good friend and still was sincere with me, but of course, I was right. He still is one of the rare guys though.

There is one other guy part of this list, who was a good friend and the only guy who liked me aloud. I liked his company and like talking with him. And am very glad of the change he's been through.


What is this post about? It's about the choices made. It's about how we always know things will be different if we made different choices in life but the mere fact that in reality we would never have made a different choice because of timing and many more factors associated with timing. Like wisdom for example. I know so much more things now than I did a few years back, and if I had this wisdom on hand then, I would never have made those decisions. But then again, without those experiences from wrong decisions made, I may still be that naive girl I was.

It is also about the weaknesses of the human flesh that battles the spirit now and then, actually more often then you know it. Knowing that someone is worth the wait and actually waiting for it is a totally different matter. So easy it is to want to make our own decisions, use our own eyes and set of requirements as a gauge. But to know that we are doing it and stopping is what makes the difference.

I miss them. But He knows better.
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