Today is a good day.

Getting along with Charlene's present. We've spent quite a bit this time. The most expensive gift the present group has given so far. :)

Anyway, I just did the second most liberating thing today. I deleted a horrendously embarrassing part of my past. Okay, I was a little reluctant - torn between the whole "be proud of your journey; I'm not ashamed of my past" kind of notion and... well, plain embarrassment. After a second person after JARLZ laughed at me, I decided it would be over. Everytime I go back there it makes me sick. To think that now I detest that kind of 'style' of writing - if you would call it a style.

And it brings back unnecessary memories.

I've been thinking like I said in my previously. I've been thinking of things like love. What is love? And I mean it in the romantic sense. What makes it so powerful that it can turn the hardest of hearts? What is its source?

I don't understand how it can weaken the strongest person. I don't understand how someone starts loving another. I don't understand how love gets cultivated or suddenly 'appears'. And how do you choose a lover. Rely on your feelings? Think logically? How can one choose to love another person romantically.

No I did not fall out of love (wasn't in anyway), I was just thinking about things when I suddenly realised it's all so silly. Love is selfish. It is so selfish. Think about it. You pick who you want to love. Whether consciously or subconsciously, we go through a certain checklist in our mind. We compare suitors. The good, the bad; which bad is worse. Some people even think of last names. Which sounds better. Prospects. This is still the more acceptable one.

Some people decide to 'love' another because they are lonely and/or don't want to be without a lover. Peer pressure. Pride.

All selfish no?

Yes. The cynical side of me.

Don't worry. I'm still bubbly JANINE! Just don't think I'll fall into the arms of the next guy who says their heart palpitates for me.
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