It really is amusing how bottomless and needy the human heart is. However much God gives, however much we receive and are blessed by, it will never be enough, how annoying are we!

It's such an inappropriate time to be feeling like this. Cos God has really been blessing me, with loved ones around me, and just time spent with Him; I mean I have all the love I need! But, annoyingly, even as I was walking to the bus stop with Vanessa Carlton on repeat, there was this weight upon my heart all of a sudden, and I asked God: Why does it hurt so bad Lord?! And ridiculously, I just started tearing, while walking along the street on a bright, sunny, lovely day. I've never teared like that before ever in my life, ever.

But, He replied: Your heart's in the wrong place. Put your heart with me. It's hard to guard your own heart, let me guard it for you.

The same issue yet again. Just when I thought I'm holding onto the satisfied-with-being-single-and-unavailable-till-God-says-so-bar, I start slipping. Why? Cos I'm holding on using my own strength.

Which is why laa is playing a very special role in my life right now, she has been contributing to my realisation, by the things she shared with me. Perhaps God is speaking to me, to make a covenant with Him in terms of time/when; which is of course more tangible and workable as compared to values. (Speaking of which, I've been wanting to edit my terms and conditions, but I've forgotten the username and password.)

What I know is, I want to be doing a lot more for God. He has really been so good to me, and I have learnt a lot and I know I should be doing so much more for His Kingdom. But then again, inadequacy comes in. I'm looking forward to Planetshakers' conference tomorrow. Wanna soak in His Presence and just dwell.

To my dearest bestie:
I've just realised today that I have no one else to turn to with things close to the heart. No one to whine to, or discuss things with or learn and grow with. Cos there's no other girls my age (or close to) in my youth group, like you have Shuen and all. Actually there are a few, but just not the same. Haha I sound so loser, but there's really no one I can really talk to about concerns, about worries. Well, there are people, but no one I can share things from a believer's perspective and with certain values already in place. You get what I mean right. :) So I'm glad God's put you in my life, the timing's like perfect. You're a great encouragement, and He's speaking to me through you in so many ways you don't know. :)

God's timing is really perfect. I'm serious. In all my insecurities, as a student, a believer, a leader, a worshipper etc, He really reassures me constantly and has never failed to provide and leave me in awe.

So leave me distractions.

I give my all to You Lord, my heart, my future, my dreams, my desires, my whole life. Teach me to serve You and Your people with all I am and have. Lord it's my desire to do Your will, to live my life as one that reflects You.
I'm forever Yours.
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