There seems to be a lot of talk on my (non existent) love life recently. I realise... my friends are worrying for me! This is hilarious actually. Because, it isn't something that's been on my mind at all. But I guess it is exactly that that is raising eyebrows. Ronald told me the other day (okay quite some time back now) that our dear zoe is worrying for me, that I won't get a guy cos every guy's scared of me. Hmm. And then a week or so later, Grace tells me that the 4 of them were discussing the exact same issue, wondering why I take such a different stand. Why don't I wanna get attached. WHY?!? Zoe, don't worry I'm not becoming a nun. And turning lesbo is totally out of the question.

I guess cos I'm old-fashioned? I don't wanna get into relationships to experience and see how things turn out, simply because I believe my husband will like to know that he's only the second guy I've ever dated in my life. I remember dreaming once that I agreed to be this random guy's girlfriend just for the fun of it and I totally regretted it and I woke up feeling so disgusted with myself. I'll only go into a relationship if I know it's heading towards marraige, which really should be the end in mind for every relationship right? If not, aren't you using someone else for self-discovery and self-gratification? Sense of security, feeling loved. That's what we get into relationships for. That's what I myself looked for in the past. Thank God I've changed.

So if I don't date a person, how will I know if I wanna marry him? It's not as if I know what my husband's gonna look like or something right? Well. It should all start off from a friendship level. I know it's disastrous when people go into relationships without first establishing a friendship. I know. So friendship first, if all goes well (read: terms and conditions + green light from God) then we'll talk.

Most importantly for me, since I'm such a weirdo and I don't think many people think like me anymore, it comes down to the person's stand in relationships. I won't date a guy who just dates anyone.

So. Don't worry about me. Really. Worse comes to worse, I don't find Mr Right. I don't get married. I focus on serving God all my life. What's wrong with that? :) I'm not worried!


On a different note, God is faithful! I've been unsure about how to handle a certain issue, asked some people, asked God how to approach and deal with it the right way, His way, and He just showed me. A totally different way from all the options I thought were available! Thank You God!


I've finished reading "The Heavenly Man" that Auntie Meileng lent me. It has inspired and woke me up to certain things. And it is amazing how God worked through Brother Yun's life. The most important lesson I've learnt is this: I am absolutely nothing. I have nothing to be proud about. I have no abilities and nothing to offer God. The fact that He chooses to use me is only due to His grace. It has nothing to do with me. If God should choose to raise up others for His purpose and never use me again, I would have nothing to complain about.

I've definitely learnt a lot from his book, his testimonies. Just from reading, I could feel his servant heart loving and living for the Lord. I'll share more with you guys in time to come! :)
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