I hate this.
How many more times can a heart sink? Is there no end? A bottomless pit? How long more will this go on?
What are we doing? Are we doing things right? We are trying so hard. Do You see? Lord, how long more must we have such sorrow in our hearts? The pain and frustrations, oh the weights in our hearts.

Our fragile hearts.

Let us not lose this flame, God. All we long to do is to serve You. And that is getting harder and harder each day as we get entangled in this heap of confusion.

I wish You'd speak to me loud and clear. I wish You'd tell me straight in the face if I'm not doing the right thing, if I'm not doing enough. I sometimes wish You'd just take me to heaven with You, away from this world, where there is confusion and pain and evil everywhere. Not one place is spared.

I wish I could be a thermostat, but its too hard Lord. I've tried. I'm trying so hard. I'm stretched beyond my limits. I feel trampled on. Torn. Manipulated. Lost. Confused. All I want is You. All I want is You Lord. Why is that so hard.

What now?

How long o Lord? How long?

P.S.
Still I'll trust in Your unfailing love. Yes my heart will rejoice. Still I'll sing of Your unfailing love. You have been good, You will be good to me.

Love,
Janine.
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