Oooh Max Brenners! :) Alas, yet another low key surprise birthday thingo. Wee! Fun!

Asia Conference and Fresh Fire was good. I enjoy the process of going to these conferences; the queuing, eating bk, staying till late at night yo, and going back for more the very next day. It is tiring really, but I love it. Plus Asia Conference was free! Too bad it was during school, if not I'd have signed up for the workshops and all. They had so many good stuff and one person can choose up to SIX workshops! And of course those ultra cool delegates lanyards. :) I thoroughly enjoyed myself.

On one of those nights, speaker shared about giving up everything to obey God's calling and for His anointing. Like seriously everything. He was dead sure and strict about it. Giving EVERYTHING up, even family, dear ones, etc. And he asked us if we were willing to. Everyone immediately shouted yes, and I was taken aback. In my mind, I was scared. Everything? Are you serious?! That's huge! That's not an easy decision. I thought to myself, are you sure. Are you sure. Are you sure. And I was really panicking, honestly.

After much more bantering in my mind, I felt ridiculous. What do I have in my life that I cannot give up? Right now, really nothing at all. But it wasn't 'right now' that I was thinking about at all. I was thinking of my future. What if I have a family next time? Give up my children? My husband? Does this mean that I can't have my dream family anymore?

HAH! Can you believe that. Yes, I'm sure you all know how much I want a family. Many kids. And shower them with love. But to have that against God? Surely that cannot be. How can I hold back from God for things that have yet to exist?

I'm sure now. That I can say yes. I thank God for revealing this part of me that was holding back. I wanted a good family. I want children to love. I want a good husband. I want to be a good mother. All me. If it's not what God wants, I can now say its okay. I'm cool. Of course, it'll probably be more painful when it really happens (or does not) but I want to do what God wants. Not what I want.

Yay. <3

Oh heart, dear heart,
why dost thou never listen
Be not a possessor, for none art thine
Blame none for thy self afflicted sufferings
did you not seek trouble when thou had none?

Were you designed with a another that thou mayst long for company
Wilt thou not live without a partner?
I trow not!
Pray thee, leave things be.
For like a flower that blooms in its own timing
thou wilt be beautiful, when thou durst wait.

Like a bud, wait.

Lols. My old English vocabulary and grammar is bad. I need more shakespeare! But so boring. Not like I've ever read. I love how the dialogues sound though. Like romeo and juliet. :o
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