As I consciously try to figure out my actions, detecting any specks of defensiveness in them, in the root of my actions and try to correct them, shoving myself out in the open,

I

feel

raw.

Part of me wants to go back to how things were - my normal. It would be easier, I don't have to think so much, don't have to be confused at all. The other, smaller part, well, it's dying to break free, but the bigger part will not allow it until it makes sense of the whole smaller part situation and come to a final conclusion with solid reasoning to support it.

You probably won't understand cos it's all internal. Lol. If you could stay in my brain for a day, I bet you will be freaked out by the crazy numbers of continuous conversations I have with my numerous other selves in my head. Yes. It's been increasing.

It's not all that bad. I find myself entertaining when I'm bored. :]

You're my silver lining, covered in gold.
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