You know how connecting rooms in hotels work? The connection part; 2 private doors, one from each room. In other to be 'connected' both sides have to unlock and open the door. There are no knobs on the other side of each doors.

Of all the times I can recall of being in connecting rooms in hotel, I remember always leaving that door closed so that the other room had to knock and ask for it to be open. Most of the time (actually all) parents would be on the other side. Being kids, there was something exhilarating about being alone in our own room, and parents' actually having to ask for permission - in a way - to enter. Of course, shortly after that, parents always got their way and the door had to be left open for convenience's sake.

The past few days, I've been thinking about relationships in my life in terms of these connecting doors. Though there's no way one room can physically be connected to so many other rooms; there's not enough room on the walls for so many doors. The main idea is, I decide if my door to another person is open or closed, and the other person has that very same choice.

I have to say, I have many closed doors. I don't even see the other person's door; whether it's open or not I don't know. That's not to say that there is zero communication. We're probably just speaking through the doors or scribbling notes on scrap pieces of paper and slipping it under.

There are doors which are open just slightly, with the safety latch in place. I open these doors whenever necessary, and shut them abruptly whenever it starts to get uncomfortable. Through these doors I get to look into their lives, their rooms. They get to peek into mine through that tiny slit. It's not fair I know.

It gets worse.

Some doors are closed, with me on the other side of the room. I leave my room to the other's and interact with my door safely closed behind me.

But of course, there are doors which are opened. Left wide open. I can count these doors on one hand. But the other sides of some of these doors are closed at times, maybe not intentionally but they are, sometimes. Other times both doors are left opened, but interaction through these doors are rare. Just because there are other things to do. Rare but precious. Always.

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But that state of these doors are always changing. Opening, closing, slowly swinging itself shut without anyone's notice. Actually, at time, maybe we do notice; just don't want to put in the effort to constantly walk to it and open it again.

When one open door shuts, all the other open doors want to shut too.

But I need open doors. Everyone needs open doors.

So, I'm sitting in the middle of this room. Just me. And God. Of course. And, I know He's telling me to do something about these doors.

Open some, close some.

Choose wisely.

Hard stuff. Hard stuff.

I want to be simple like a child. Love more, think less.

Discomfort comes with vulnerability. But I choose to move towards it, cautiously (ironic huh) but surely.
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