I hereby declare a hiatus from Facebook this day forth for a month. I'm going to get EQ to change my password for me tomorrow to make sure I stick to it. Yes. I considered giving up twitter and youtube, but youtube serves me well and if I stop twitter, no one will know if i die. So better not :)

The past 2 days were really refreshing. Sentosa, movie, rockclimbing; all with the best friend. It's been really good, and now I'm armed with a hairdryer for the approaching avalanche. Am really dreading all the assignments; deadlines are creeping slowly towards me day by day.

*think hairdryer. think hairdryer.*

It's gonna be tough. I wish I have clones or minions. But I don't. I will survive:)

God help me.

PS I absolutely love the brains I have working with me.

I feel overwhelmed. I need to list things down one by one to declutter my mind, but I need a nice place to do so. I want to be in nature. I can't even find a decent place in the vicinity where I can sit under/beside/near a tree to think and not be disturbed by inconsiderate teenagers.

I desperately need time alone.

Productive quality time spent with not a single other human being, but me.

This means not having to care whether or not someone else needs the seat I'm taking, not needing to look at my watch and rush somewhere, not needing to think of anything but the things I choose to think about.

This sucks big time. I have a feeling its all hormonal. Perhaps it'll go away soon. I hope it does. But it doesn't change the fact that I have too much, too too much.

Why am I telling you this?

It makes me feel better. Maybe, just maybe the world will be a little better now that my gripes are made known. Maybe Singapore's air might start smelling a little more nature like. Maybe you'll stop thinking that my world is pretty and pink with beautiful ring things.

Okay. Sleep it off.

Am so getting the DVD.

My mind has been running on overdrive the past couple of days, thinking and exploring the possibilities of things I've never allowed to cross my mind or previously rejected without any thought, realising that maybe... just maybe (I've yet to come to a conclusion) I've been disillusioned.

Choices are a big deal and I don't like making them. (Plays Relient K's I So Hate Consequences) With every decision comes a consequence, and knowing that there is no certainty in the outcome, knowing that I am possibly sabotaging my life, my future, it irks me. So much that it led me to an absurd train of thought (not even kidding. I think I might be crazy) that entails zero decision-making, zero risk. My life in someone else's hands, someone else's decisions.

And reading The Giver by Lois Lowry this morning, it wasn't any other book that I read for leisure; God practically smacked me in the face with it. It is crazy how God orchestrates everything so perfectly. Of all the books I could have picked, when I chose to read it, I still can't get over how awesome these in-your-face moments God throws at me are.

Reading it actually got me mad. After I finished it, I started picking up different things that shouted "I'm not giving you a choice!", and it made me so mad just thinking how parents, how teachers, how the education system, how society's possibly leading more and more kids to allow others take control of their future, leading them to think it's okay to take the backseat and just have fun, be spoon fed.

I know this is only the start. A certain someone told me that the coming year will possibly be a challenging one for me, that my mindset, my worldview, different ideas that I had will be challenged as I discover others that I've yet been exposed to. The moment I heard it, I knew that it is true, because it'd already begun before 2009 even ended. In a way, it is kind of scary. Who knows what will happen. My brain may just explode. I could get so overwhelmed that I'll just live in my own world for the rest of my life.

But I'm excited.

God is in control. And it is exciting.

Bring it on 2010! Time for more pruning.