My mind has been running on overdrive the past couple of days, thinking and exploring the possibilities of things I've never allowed to cross my mind or previously rejected without any thought, realising that maybe... just maybe (I've yet to come to a conclusion) I've been disillusioned.

Choices are a big deal and I don't like making them. (Plays Relient K's I So Hate Consequences) With every decision comes a consequence, and knowing that there is no certainty in the outcome, knowing that I am possibly sabotaging my life, my future, it irks me. So much that it led me to an absurd train of thought (not even kidding. I think I might be crazy) that entails zero decision-making, zero risk. My life in someone else's hands, someone else's decisions.

And reading The Giver by Lois Lowry this morning, it wasn't any other book that I read for leisure; God practically smacked me in the face with it. It is crazy how God orchestrates everything so perfectly. Of all the books I could have picked, when I chose to read it, I still can't get over how awesome these in-your-face moments God throws at me are.

Reading it actually got me mad. After I finished it, I started picking up different things that shouted "I'm not giving you a choice!", and it made me so mad just thinking how parents, how teachers, how the education system, how society's possibly leading more and more kids to allow others take control of their future, leading them to think it's okay to take the backseat and just have fun, be spoon fed.

I know this is only the start. A certain someone told me that the coming year will possibly be a challenging one for me, that my mindset, my worldview, different ideas that I had will be challenged as I discover others that I've yet been exposed to. The moment I heard it, I knew that it is true, because it'd already begun before 2009 even ended. In a way, it is kind of scary. Who knows what will happen. My brain may just explode. I could get so overwhelmed that I'll just live in my own world for the rest of my life.

But I'm excited.

God is in control. And it is exciting.

Bring it on 2010! Time for more pruning.